Pity poor Pete, the reluctant hero of our tales. The indignity of having such a menial job would be bad enough, but to make things worse he is surrounded by incompetents. Chances are Pete single-handedly keeps his department afloat. Were he to be absent for just a couple of days, the business would crash, the office would burn down and somehow nuclear war would have begun. But his work goes unrecognised, and so he is reduced to endless filing and correcting other people’s spelling mistakes. Single, yearns for excitement, likes tuna.

As if proof were needed that lunacy knows no bounds, meet Frank. He’d like to consider himself the office joker, but in truth he’s a little more unhinged than that. With a disconcertingly boundless enthusiasm and no common sense, he amuses himself with schemes, pranks, or insults. In fact, anything to avoid the work that amasses on his desk. The bane of Pete’s life but also his best friend, Frank is the dementia in the office.

Somebody made Mr.Squeakychew the head of his own department, and somehow it’s still running. Commanding a complete lack of respect from his employees, he nonetheless ambles through the day in his unique wide-eyed way, telling people what to do and thinking they’re doing it. He has no idea what the company does and long since stopped worrying about it. Naive, incompetant, and hopelessly unaware, Mr.Squeakchew is the bluntest tool in the shed.

An old pro of office life, Higson nonetheless seems to have missed promotion repeatedly to remain in the same banal job, fudging the accounts of a doomed company. As such, he is a seething mass of resentment, betrayed only by his aloof nature and bitter sarcasm. Relishes every bout of verbal sparring with Frank, insults and minor injuries being the main reasons he makes it through each day.